Bleh… that’s how I feel about this whole situation. And to even think that I have to rehash my emotions to write this blog post makes me feel even more Bleh… but this is an important share, so here goes.

 As if life wasn’t challenging and complicated enough, along came this pandemic to just shut shit down! Urgh… thinking back on it now, the feeling in my stomach is no bueno.

 Never have I ever been so pushed to reassess and realign myself, as a creator, as an entrepreneur, as a woman.

 As most of you know, although I am based in Trinidad & Tobago, majority of my production is done in Brazil. Both of these countries are home to me and both were hit extremely hard with life changing restrictive measures in place.

 I stayed hopeful, and faithful as my customers are from around the world and not all countries had the same restrictions. I thought that my international online business model and stock would have kept me going…and it did, until it didn’t lol.

 It worked wonders until it was time to design and manufacture again. So many challenges...

 Everything from multiple lockdowns both in T&T and Brazil, basically stopping production sooooo many times, to staff health scares, to delivery delays, to crazy increase in prices, to unavailability of materials, to strikes, to protests, to exhaustion, to lack of drive, to having to sacrifice my creative process which has always been sacred to me, and adapting to doing it all virtually.

 Sigh… I honestly had quite a few moments when I questioned my willingness to continue doing this under such circumstances. Artists need freedom to create and as a creative, being “locked down” in itself was punishing enough but then the back to back challenges, the lack of incoming income, the stress, the anxiety, the negativity, the difficulty all became a far too heavy burden to bare.

 Then one day I just gave up… I was tired, not just physically, but emotionally, and even spiritually. It was all just too much… so I gave up. I gave up the fear, I gave up the need to control things that were out of my control, I gave up trying to place deadlines and timelines, I gave up the expectation of any outcome, I just gave up swimming against the current…and let go. I just went with it… whatever and however it was… I just let it be.

And today I am writing this blog about the yucky part of my story yes , but more importantly about how I gave up to win. Life doesn’t always go according to plan, and I have no idea what the new norm is going to be, or what the future of small businesses is going to be, but I do hope that if you have come to my website, and taken the time to read this blog, that you continue to support us small businesses, because at the end of the day…we love what we do… and fight hard to do it for you.

Love,

Chan